And We Have Amtrak

China is looking into Extending the world's first operating Maglev system, an ultrafast train that travels 430 kph [267mph]. Initially, the high cost of tickets was detracting riders.

Meanwhile, the united states is still struggling with Amtrak. The "high-speed" Acela trains running from DC to New York to Boston are still really slow and far too expensive. And there is not much talk of making Acela part of the national network soon.

At the same time, Air travel in the United states may have gotten cheaper, but Security seems to discouraging travels as patdowns become groping and some travel times are doubled by security lines.

Why is Maglev not in the United States?

The technology China used for its Maglev comes from Germany, so its not like the communists are controlling it. Maglev technology could see a reduction in cost if used on a large scale, and it could enourage economic growth while reducing things like traffic congestion.

For instance, Atlantic City is 130 miles from New York; at 260 mph, the two and a half hour car trip along the crowded NJ parkway would become a half hour commute for gambling, drinking, womanizing, and sinning. Isn't that what New Yorkers want?

Easton PA is 58 miles from New York. Thousands of commuters clog i-78 everyday coming from Easton and places further West to work since housing is much more affordable. The commute can take up to 2 hours by car. By Maglev, the commute could take as little as 20 minutes. And you thought Brooklyn was a convient place to live without New York city prices.

A few years back, New Jersey was actually being considered as a test bed for one of the first Maglev tracks. Unfortunately, state budgetary concerns prevented its construction. This of course is the problem here: no one wants to spend the money on new technology.

So instead we'll continue taking the China town bus to Boston.

Dr. Strangelove to be Appointed Homeland Security Advisor

Russia has tested An Anti-Missile System similar to the one Bush has been pushing for over the last four years. This comes after Putin Promised Stronger Missiles that would be better than the rest of the world. Are the Russians back?

The recent election scandal in the Ukraine has probably not helped relations between Russia and the United States since the declared winner was back by Moscow and the United States threatened to disrupt political relations if the the Western backed candidate didn't get a recount. We talked about the irony of Bush's administration chastising foreign democracies and the democratic process before.

Now the US is warning the Ukraine that they should not break up the nation. We have to wonder if Bush fears the same threat right here in the United States. We think he should and if the Ukraine splits, we hope the Western Ukraine will support the secession of North American States.

It seems to us though that Putin and Bush have common goals: maintaining their own power. With talk of the Bush "Dynasty" we're beginning to wonder if we'll see a United States without a Bush at the helm, and we think Russians should be worried there will always be a Putin too. At this rate, we won't need to worry about a rogue nation setting off world war three, we need to worry about the Cold War reigniting.

Freedom Haters

Several [less reputable] news sources are Reporting that The Pentagon has Released a document explaining that the Muslim world does not in fact hate our freedom, but rather our policies.

Bush has used the phrase "They hate our freedom" on numerous occasions, to the point that its essentially federal policy now that Muslims are Freedom Haters. [though we're certain Bush hates our Freedom more than any Muslim]. What's interesting if all this is true means that someone within the administration was disturbed enough by current foreign policy to release a report contradicting federal policy.

More importantly, it came from the Pentagon. For the Pentagon to contradict the incumbent president, something must be seriously wrong. Its sort of like Fox News coming out and endorsing Ralph Nader. If the report is real, people will be fired, decommissioned, or quietly sent to a listening station in Alaska above the artic circle.

Shopping:

Wal-Mart:
Evil retail giant Wal-mart announced lower than expected earnings from Black Friday with pundits pointing out the nation's largest employer did not discount as heavily as competitors. We contend that as the nation's largest employer-- and one that does not pay very well-- Wal-Mart has been hurting itself by cutting employee wages.

Best Buy:
We hate best Buy. And they hate us. We've talked about how Best Buy has been looking into "firing" customers for a while. They mean us. But in either case, Best Buy thinks the best way to fight their arch nemisis Wal-Mart is not by cutting prices but through Customer Service. Just when we thought we were fired, Best Buy comes back to back to make us an offer we can't refuse... right?

eBay:
If buying new things as gifts isn't your thing [hint: we like new gifts], there is always eBay. The online yard sale now promises a catalogue. We're still confused since most auctions on the site end in 7 to 10 days, meaning by the time the catalogue was mailed out, everything listed would have been sold.

Home Depot:
The suburban do-it-yourself mega store came to Manhattan, the antithesis of Suburban do-it-yourself-ness. We know what this really means: now its cool to build your own birdhouse for your 87th floor penthouse garden. Right.

Barnes and Noble:
Just in case customers of the giant bookseller weren't already treating the store like a private library, sitting for hours in comfortable chairs and reading books they never buy, the retailer is setting up Wi-Fi in all its 600 stores. Now when you are pretending to be intellectual and haning out at B&N, you can still look at pornography.

Pot and God

What harm can government funding going to faith based organizations have? Or what's wrong with the Phrase "under god" in the salute to the flag? Or what's wrong with a little prayer in public schools? Pot.

The use of Marijuana is illegal under federal law and proponents of keeping it that way argue that making pot legal is akin to a Government endorsement of the drug. If this is true, then prayer in public schools is an endorsement by the government of religon and god.

As long as "under god" remains in the pledge of alliegance or "In God We Trust" remains on our coins, drugs should not be illegal to use or possess.

In either case, this brings up our next point: Medical Mary Jane.

The Bush administration argues that Congress has found no accepted medical use of marijuana and needs to be able to eradicate drug trafficking and its social harms. [Source]

Currently, ten states allow medical marijuana to be used with Doctor's approval. This directly contradicts federal law prohibiting the drug. At issue is whether pot within one state that never crosses state lines falls under the federal law.

In the earliest period of our Republic, states rights vs. the Federal Government was a large issue mostly because Red States wanted to keep slavery around forever. Strangely enough, it seems the whole states rights issue is popping back up now over pot, abortion, evolution, and god.

Kansas has lead the fight on removing evolution from public school cirriculums, and no doubt many members of the Bush administration would like to see creationism in public schools. In either case, putting creationism into public schools is an issue many conservatives would like to see happen.

If creationism should be taught in public schools simply because of the faith of "intelligent design", then why not take on faith that Marijuana can actually help people who are ill-- wouldn't that be intelligent?

Indeed, conservative America has a double standard:
Pot needs scientific proof that it helps people who are sick, but creationism can be taken on faith.

Legalizing drugs is a form of government endorsement, but using public funds for programs that promote Jesus is not an endorsement of religon.

Ho-hum.

A Little Fraud? So What.

BREAKING NEWS

Secretary of State Powell says United States does not accept results of Ukraine's presidential elections, due to reports of fraud. Details soon.
[from cnn.com]

Wait just a second here. George Bush's appointed Secretary of State is declaring reports of fraud in the Ukraine are invalidating the presidential elections?

We're confused. First, we aren't so sure why Powell's opinion matters since the Ukraine is a sovereign nation. After all, if China declared the 2000 American Presidential election invalid because of fraud, would that have made a difference?

Meanwhile we're still wondering about The 2004 Election. Whomever you supported, you should be concerned about electronic voting. Meanwhile, we don't see how this would be a problem in the Ukraine since we're almost certain their voting machine is really just a matter of determining which candidate's pile of sticks is bigger.

Now there is also the matter of the presidential candidates: Yanukovych and Yushchenko. Are we the only people who find these names the least bit humorous? just say it Yanukkovych. What is that, a vodka? Yushchenko. Sounds like raw seafood meets russian novelist.

The Postman's Revenge

And we don't mean that awful Kevin Cosner movie. Never mind that we had to work extra long hours to ensure that our beautiful, gallery quality direct mail would be delivered before election day, but now our local postal carrier has had his revenge on us: he's cut us off.

We thought when one off our New Yorker's didn't show that it was simply because the writers had taken another week off. They seem to be doing this now once a month. But then other people had sent us things that were never delivered and we wondered WTF?

Apparently, our mailman thinks its funny to not deliver our mail. Or perhaps, our new neighbors somehow stopped our mail [we hate our neighbors for a variety of reasons: Yappy dog; wretched smelling ethnic food; body odor; salsa music at 8am on a Saturday; blocking the driveway; parking badly on the street. We thought the pot smoking hippies were bad]

When we first moved in we kept recieving mail for a half dozen former residents. In hopes of retarding the onslaught, we posted our names and apartment number on the mailbox. This did not stop the postman from bombarding out box with non-residents' mail, nor placing out mail in the other box. The letter carrier is simply lazy.

So we relabled the post box with bigger letters. We tried calling the supervisor, but for some reason they have already left by 1pm in the afternoon and we were told to try back again later.

To hell with Article 1, Section 8, Clause 7. We want Federal Express to deliver our mail.

Friday Posts Are Never Good

Just in case you haven't been reading The Impulsive Buy, and we don't see why you wouldn't, you should today. Why? We've Contributed A Review.

Higher Education Sets Lower Standards

Republican Assemblyman Joseph Pennacchio Thinks Rutgers's Tuition is too high. But his solution isn't any better: he'd cut state aid to the university if they raised tuition above preset percentage.

Instead of funding Rutgers and other state schools, state legislative bodies have been actively working against the school over the last four years. McGreevey was no better for the school then Christie Whitman. No one seems to notice Rutgers tuition hikes are directly related to the amount of money the state cuts from the school each year.

Instead, we think every entering class should recieve a tuition lock for 4 years-- that is to say, if you finish within 8 semesters, your tuition does not go up. We're specifying 8 semesters, though we'd suggest 8 semester over 5 years might be more appropriate. This ensures students are able to budget for four years of school.

On the other hand, the state could stop trying to finance a Newark arena and simply fully fund the University. But after all, people much rather have a few basketball games than a decent college education. Thankfully, the arena will provide tons of low skill jobs that all of the students who drop out of rutgers over tuition can work. Thanks New Jersey Legislature!

Too Much Fun!

In case you haven't been depressed enough about your stipend lately, give the Cost of Living Calculator a whirl.

Of particular interest, a salary of $36,000 in Jersey City is equivilant to $42,000 in New York, New York. Of course there must be some inaccuracies with this sort of thing, and certainly even within different sections of Manhattan; but costs are insane.

Digital LIbraries

The Library of Congress has promised to make available a digital archive of thousands of newspapers from 1836 until 1922. These historical documents end in 1922 because of changes in copyright law. Despite the historical significance, the New York Times will continue to charge $2.99 an article for the next 150 years.

Thanks to big businesses like Disney interfering with Copyrights, published copyrights now have a shelf life greater than a twinkie. Steamboat Willy in 1928 of course is partially to blame, since he is the earliest rendition of famous Disney Characters. [We've talked about this before].

Meanwhile, Wired is reporting about the grossest manipulation of copyright just yet. So much for Tivo, recordable DVD players, or VCR's. Fast forwarding through commercials may soon be illegal and punishable by death if this new legislation passes.

If the bill passes, also prohibited will be any digital distribution of copyrighted materials. This could apply to Project Gutenberg [some copyrighted works are not copyrighted outside the United States, and so are offered to non-US users]. Clearly the target is P2P networks, but apparently the language is vague enough to include the legal i-Tunes.

And just never you mind that before the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, all of these things were legal just as long as you weren't charging money.

This same week marks the initiation of the Movie Association suing downloaders of their movies. Again, this would have been perfectly legal before the DMCA was passed. Of Course, if we had $10 billion dollars to throw at Easily Corrupted politicians, we probably wouldn't want to fast forward through television commercials anyway.

More of the Same

Tom Delay, house majority leader, may face a loss of his leadership position if he is indicted in Texas for irregularities involving redistricting in the state. House Republicans Want to Ensurehe can continue to hold the position even if he is indicted; current rules would force him to step aside. After all, while criminals cannot teach our children in public schools, criminals in Congress are okay.

On Tuesday, Tom Daschle officially stepped down with an impassioned speech about moderation. Harry Reid will take over Daschle’s position as minority leader promising at least another two years of mediocrity and ensuring democrats will lose at least another three seats in the Senate two years from now.

The Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese has returned to ebay. The fact that legitimate bidders have raised the price of the sandwich back to $16,000 pretty much vindicates the Mirror’s post election Headline Declaring 59 Million Americans simply as “Dumb”. Its true, you are.

Let’s not overlook New Jersey where yesterday an assembly bill approving an initiative for a Lieutenant Governor passed 71 to 5. In New Jersey, when governors resign, the Senate President takes over holding both positions. In most states, holding two positions would be seen as a conflict of interest; in New Jersey its just seen as "easier to raise money".

Chris Christie, the US Attorney who had been investigating former Governor McGreevey and has sent to federal prison a half dozen other politicos, lauded the position of Lieutenant Governor promising he would be sending at least one more governor away. Christie is actually epected to bring charges against every governor between now and his own inaguration.

Critics have suggested that the Lieutenant Governor would be merely an empty office waiting for the governor to drop dead. Political insiders have assured everyone involved that the Lt. Governor would be much more then that and that political patronage would be as important to that office as any other.

Also in New Jersey, the Association of Election Officials filed a lawsuit against the state for trying to develop a centralized system for voting to prevent fraud. After all, in New Jersey, if you can’t commit voter fraud, an election just isn’t worth having.

Dear Other People's Blogs,

We know you think we're arrogant already, and maybe sometimes you appreciate our cynical quips at your intelligence, or your beliefs. And we've put up with your stupidity [this is what we mean by "cynical quips"] as well. But we finally had to say something.

We spend a lot of time reading you, other people's blogs, but there are a few ground rules you need to follow if you want to stay on this internet. For starters, flashing GIF christmas tree lights are simply not acceptable. Would you wear a pink spandex hot pants and a form fitting blouse to your grandmother's funeral? Well, we expect you would, but you need to know that this sort of behavior is rude.

Now listen little blogs, we understand maybe you don't have much to say and want to fill up my screen with something, but american flags and yellow ribbons have a place in this world, but their place is not adorning your psuedo intellectual posts on how your cat learned to use the toilet or that Conner got an A+ in chemistry. Please stop.

We just wanted to pass this onto you, dear blogs, so that we continue to read you. Or at least, glance at you while passing a cursory judgement on whether we like you or hate you.

Thanks,
Us.

Miracles Really Do Happen

eBay has pulled a listing of a Ten Year Old Grilled Cheese Sandwhich. Why would anyone want such an old sandwich? Duh, the Virgin Mary.

The owner claims the face appeared in the sandwich made ten years ago. And pundits are still confused about the "Moral Values" issue during the last election? It has nothing to do with values; its just sheer stupidity.

"The sandwich [the owner] added, has never sprouted a spore of mold" prooving its devine influence and not the presence of modern preservatives.

Green Backs

A few weeks ago a woman used a $200 bill featuring a picture of President Bush. She was apparently Fooled into Thinking It Was Real. She did not go to jail.

We're left wondering if the woman was telling the truth since as we know there is no $200 bill, and President Bush is not featured on any currency produced by the United States [though a spokesman did promise that on his re-election in 2012, Bush would be pushing to have his face engraved on all circulating currency].

However, confirming our suspicions that we are better-- or at least smarter-- than most of this country, the store clerk also thought the bill was real and gave the woman change. We're really surprised anyone caught onto the scheme.

Monday Morning Review

New Jersey’s Governor, Jim McGreevey resigned last night after declaring three months ago that he had engaged in a homosexual affair.

Taking power will be Senate President Dick Codey. We of course have heard but will not be making any jokes about how we thought when Jim McGreevey was leaving the governor’s mansion so would all the dicks.

Unlike many New Jersey politicians, McGreevey will not be heading to jail. Homosexuality is after all not a crime, with Congressman Scott Garrett adding, not yet, but we’re working on it.

Attorney General Chris Christie had been investigating McGreevey’s administration for fundraising irregularities. But Christie added, he doubted McGreevey would have charges brought against him now that McGreevey no longer stood between him and the Governor’s mansion.

Dick Codey last week said he would support putting Video Slot machines at racetracks. The casinos in Atlantic City oppose such a move. On the same day, New Jersey Transit announced another planned fare hike. Our solution: Video Slot machines on New Jersey Transit trains.

NJ Transit has cited higher costs and security concerns as reasons for a fare hike. Public policy wonks are still confused why the state claims raising the price of cigarettes will discourage smoking but an increase in train fares will encourage more ridership. Meanwhile, a NJ Transit spokesman is expected to declare riding on buses will cause cancer, emphysema, and be harmful to unborn children.

NJ Transit of course saw a 3% decline in ridership the last time it increased fares, less than two years ago. Meanwhile the Garden State Parkway last saw a toll increase in 1988; maybe this is why it takes three hours to drive 12 miles on the parkway.

Boston

We left the Garden State yesterday in search of Adventure and Intrigue. Instead, we wound up in Cambridge. Its snowing today and every street is by parking permit only.

But at least we're not in the office.

We had chocolate crousants from Carberry's. They were amazing.

We drank and called people we thought were in far off time zones, but as it turns out, it was just as late for them.

Confession: We Drink Hot Chocolate

We were in New York last night to meet our love. In the time we spent waiting we decided to get a cup of hot chocolate, since it was cold and we had nothing to do since J&R Camera was closed. So we went into a cafe and paid $3.26 for a hot chocolate.

We were a little surprised about the price, even for New York. We wondered whether we would have gotten a better deal at the cafe across the street.

Well of course not, they were both starbucks. We've heard about the phenomenon of coming across two starbucks within in sight of each other, but this was the first time we actually experienced it for ourselves. We think that if Starbucks is going to be say omnipresent, then they could at least install a store in the lobby of our office building.

Verizon Service

So we've had lots of fun with Verizon over the years. We Sympathized with the man who started throwing cell phones in the Verizon store. We almost had our own incident 9 months earlier when they were too busy to take our money. Verizon has also Gone After Our Friends, so we won't take it personally. [Its more like a collective "Fuck You"]

When we showed up at the office today, we had no DSL internet [courtesy of verizon]. Let's back up for a minute: 2 years ago we almost got DSL for our own home when Cablevision never showed up to install cable internet. We didn't get DSL though because Verizon wanted us to also buy a land based telephone line, something we didn't need, didn't want, and still don't have. And now we feel vindicated.

Anyway:
We called Verizon techinical support to attempt to debunk our current problem at the office. We will say we were picked up by a service technician very quickly. We proceded to check the modem, then check the router. Then we checked the modem again. We re-created internet connections and adjusted IE settings. Everything seemed to work, except for the fact we couldn't get to a website.

Our Verizon representative decided to call in the big guns. With us on the line, he dialed up the Verizon number and started going through the phone's automated system. On his first attempt, he had to start over when the phone system sent him to the wrong place. On his second attempt, the fun system hung up on him, and we laughed for a moment [momentarily we wondered if we could ever truly be happy with the Verizon service guy]. On the third attempt, the phone system disconnected us. We can only assume he and the automated phone system went on to have a love affair without us.

Instead of immediately calling Verizon back [we understood the phone system was through with us; this was not the first digital lover who's left us and we make it a policy to never try and rekindle old passions]. We re-plugged everything back together. We logged onto the router; everything still seemed to be the way it was before our Verizon tech guy ditched us for his sorted love affair with the automated mistress. Then we told the router to disconnect from the network and then reconnected. It worked.

We wonder why we, with an art history and political science degree, were able to figure out what we needed to do and the professionally trained Verizon tech guy [and his automatic phone answering computer; we aren't bitter] couldn't figure this simple solution out. All we can really say is, Jason Perala, we're with you, man.

Corporations Helping Corporations

Most of the time we think corporations are bad news exploiting workers, over charging for merchandise, and offering poor customer service. But we felt bad last year when we heard Toys R Us was being threatend by Walmart. This could be because we hate Walmart, or because Toys R Us is right here in New Jersey, or maybe just because we really, really like toys.

But anyway, as it turns out, toy makers are offering to help out Toys R Us this holiday season. It seems Toys R Us may not have survived after this christmas without the extra help. Toy makers don't want to see Toys R Us go away since Walmart won't carry all the toys.

Walmart as Monopoly
We've said it before. Walmart's power is astronomical, from censoring movies and music, books and magazines, to family planning options. Obviosuly, toy makers are concerned what a Walmart only world would do to them. We're still not sure how Microsoft violated anti-trust laws and Walmart hasn't. [though we suspect a search through political contributions may help us understand].

We wish Toys R Us the best of luck, if for no other reason, except that we hate Walmart.

Politics as Usual

John Ashcroft announced his resignation today saying "he objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved" but refusing to lower the national alert system from Yellow to Blue. Ashcroft added "I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons" [for "challenging horizons" read "lynching black people"]. [Full Letter]

Federal cabinet members are not the only ones turning in resignations. Right here in New Jersey, Governor McGreevey will be leaving after announcing this past August that he was a Gay American. Republicans have criticized McGreevey for prolonging his time in office. McGreevey criticized the Republicans' choice of brown loafers with black suits.

Meanwhile on the other side of the world, a state of emergency was declared in Iraq. We're left wondering why now after months of chaos, kidnappings, suicide bombs, and general disorder the Iraqis only declared the state of emergency now. Then we realized it was after the November election.

Iraq will still be holding an election in January, the first since the occupying forces entered the country two years ago. Elections under Saddam Hussein were considered unfair because only his name appeared on the ballot, not unlike the 2008 ballots in the United States.

Also in the Middle East, Yassar Arafat's condition only seems to worsening. His death may bring chaos to an already unstable situation. On the bright side, if all out war does break out, former McGreevey aid and accused lover Golan Cipel may finally leave Israel and return the United States where he can answer the hard hitting questions: Does McGreevey wear boxers or briefs?

T-Shirts

We just came across a blog trying to sell t-shirts that read "Men [Heart] Bush" and "Women [Heart] Dick". The many Bush / Cheney icons on the site lead us to believe the blogger was not about kinky sex but instead about conservative values. we are left wondering how they would feel about t-shirts reading:

"Men [heart] Dick" and "Women [heart] Bush".

Food of Tomorrow

Jones Soda, that liquid candy we think is actually too sweet, has surpassed even themselves. Last year they had Turkey and Gravy soda that sold out. Now they have A Whole Thanksgiving Feast.

We're a little disturbed by the idea of Turkey & Gravy flavored soda, and are more than skeptical about drinking Green Been Caserole.

But we think we're beginning to see a trend: liquid food. Besides the thanksgiving flavored food, everytime we eat fast food, we're bombarded with a new dipping flavor for our chicken. Wendy's has five. McDonalds at least as many. This isn't just the standard Honey Mustard or Sweet & Sour sauce either. We think soon our society's entire culinary pallette will devolve into sauce and liquid.

While this trend might be something we would be excited about if we were say 87 and had no teeth [or if we were from Kentucky], we are not particularly thrilled by the prospect now.

What's next?

Martha Stewart's Guide to Making Everyday Food into Juice

As Promised

As promised we are Writing a Novel in 30 Days. We took out an account this evening meaning all we have left to do is fail. Not entirely.

Last night we wrote 996 words [1,802 if you include the story arc we wrote]. We're starting a little late-- about 22 days left [and that includes Thanksgiving]. But then again last January we set out to write 50,000 words in 30 days and came up with 55,000. They were all dribble we think.

We have a good story. Without giving too much away, it revolves around the quest of mediocre people to become exceptional.

Working in our favor this year is now we've written over the last year about 70,000 words in our blog. Not exactly a novel in 30 [22] days, but still, we think it's helped us improve [or perhaps, we've digressed]. And we read a whole bunch of books over the last year, and not just pulp fiction. We've also read a good number of short stories. We threw off some of our old restraints. We have a good plan. Now the trouble is writing it.

Thankfully, things will be slow at the office over the next week or two, and we hope that after sleeping on the conference table, we'll be able to parlay these slow weeks into quality writing time. We hope.

We Were Robbed

Last month we had our home broken into. Today, it was the police who robbed us. A copy of our police report cost $3. This of course, after they did nothing.

What we did find interesting though on the police report were codes to describe stolen merchandise.

For instance, Aircraft. If we were in a farm community, or at least a city with a local airport, we could understand this. But unless someone was taking off from route 18, we don't see how a plane could be stolen. Or frankly, where a plan could be parked to be stolen.

Another interesting one is livestock. Maybe this is left over from when pigs ran in the streets, but I don't think anyone today has anything that could be described as livestock unless this includes small children. Though we think this would fall under kidnapping.

Finally, there are 16 codes for drugs beginning with Crack. Who actually reports that their Crack was stolen? "Officer, my Opium was stolen, what are the chances of getting it back?"

Meanwhile, our Social Security card falls under the Category "Other", and we are pleased to see that the number is labeled as "Serial Number".

Why Fight the Inevitable?

We suggested after last Tuesday's election that the Northeast leave the Union. Its not really worth an argument, since the war has already started. Last week a Fighter Jet launched an attack on the sovereign state of New Jersey. While there no casualties, its clearly a prelude to what is to come.

The Red States are ready. A month ago, the assault weapons ban expired allowing folks to gear up for what could be a long and heated battle. No doubt from Richmond to Waco, automatic weapons are appearing in gun racks everywhere.

Don't think the North East isn't ready. In preparation, we're Stretching Our Legs at sea, testing the sea-worthiness of the USS Constitution.

The biggest advantage of leaving the Union is of course New Jersey will finally be rid of Pennsylvania drivers who stop in the middle of Ez-Pass toll lanes and think posted highway speeds are limits rather than suggestions.

Red America shouldn't worry too much though. With great attractions like South of the Border and The Corn Palace, no doubt the money they lose from the departure of the nation's 2 wealthiest states will be more than made up for in tourist revenue.

And with the Northeast gone, Red America won't have to worry about pesky Northern liberals forcing things like "Evilution" on the innocent minds of school children. [We're just curious, how many students from Kansas were accepted at university this year?]

Overall, succession is a win-win for every party involved. We urge you all to write your state legislators [or, if you are illiterate, call by phone]. Only with your support can the South finally be rid of the Northeast once and for all.

Blogs for Everyone! Blogs for None! Blogs for Some!

Just when we thought the Mommy blogs were out of control, we came across a Surrogate Mommy blog.

We expect the termination of the election season to correlate with the collapse of the blog world. Republicans will have nothing left to do but gloat and Democrats will be shut down by the thought police.

Meanwhile we've experienced a few folks from BlogExplosion who decided to rate us badly, presumably because of our resenment towards the President. Others rated us badly becuase we did it to them, though in fairness, we were being honest, and they were being bitter. What can we say, except we're a Northeast Snob, and we didn't like your shitty blog.

And now at this rate, the only ones left blogging are going to be blogging mommies and surrogate mommies and suburban housewives.

We're beginning to think of the blogging world much they way we think of the country. We mean of course, there are those who should blog, and there are those who should not. You know who we mean.

But we will be here, to blog. You are here to read.

Jobs

CNN has a Breakdown of unempoyment rates by state. It seems with a cursory look, that red states tended towards the top, having the least unemployment. Blue states mostly fell below the average of 5.4%.

Yet Ohio has a horrible 6% unemployment rate, and still 150,000 people thought terrorism and antiquated morality was more important than getting a job.

Holding the president accountable for economic cycles that are often out of the control of the office may seem unfair. However, Bush and his Republican congress did not extend unemployment benefits. Unemployment is something that is earned and is representative of credit given to employees from their salaries. It is also meant to ensure that people continue to spend money [and propel the economy] even in as an economic cycle spins downward.

In this sense, the American people certainly should have held the president accountable for failing to address the fairly dramatic increase in the unemployed.

Today of course, the labor department revised their numbers of unemployment claims. Is the economy turning around? Probably not.

Low paying jobs in retail may be growing, and they will take people off unemployment. But earning less than $10 an hour--earning closer to half that-- will not encourage people to spend frivolously at the mall. At best, a retail economy is one of subsistance. But more likely, hard work and long hours will not be enough to allow the next generation to move from poverty to middle class. For that, red America deserves what it voted for.

Identity

Since our Social Security Card was stolen last month, we need to replace it. We printed the form and were all set to send it in. Then we noticed we needed to produce an original form of identification.

We aren't particularly attached to our Driver's Licsence. But police officers tend to be. The prospect of sending it in to the Social Security office in hopes of recieving it back with our social security card in 10 to 14 days doesn't seem like a good idea.

The woman on on the other end of the line suggested taking it down to the local Social Security office. We don't have six hours of our life to waste.

Instead, we're going to risk not getting sick for the next two weeks and send in our Healthcare card. Thankfully, we have one of those. We're expecting the chances of getting that healthcare card back to be about as good as Kerry's chances of winning a 2008 bid for the Presidency.

The Science of Political Science

There are lots of scenerios running around on the internet suggesting Kerry or Bush will win for various reasons. We'll admit we haven't had time to read a newspaper in about 6 days, nor have we read any polling information, not even our local elections. But still, we have some predictions.

47% Chance: Toss up.
Pundits have been saying it comes down to Florida. It doesn't. It comes down to Ohio. In this scenerio that we believe is most likely, Kerry wins Pennsylvania, the Blue Midwestern States, and the other usual blue. Bush wins Florida and Ohio's votes determine the winner. We won't know the answer to this one for a very long time.

43% Chance: Kerry Blow Out
Kerry wins Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, and while the election may be close here, the challenges end because knocking just one of these states over to the red column would not be enough. Kerry wins the midwestern blue states. Arkansas, Nevada, Colorado, and maybe, though unlikely even in this scenerio, but West Virginia are close elections [though ultimately, we believe Bush wins these few; again, it would not make a difference, since Kerry would have won].

10% Chance: Bush Blow Out
Bush wins Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania along with most of the midwest. New Jersey and Oregon become close, but ultimately go Blue. We think this is extremely unlikely.

Things we're counting on:
Get out the vote efforts can increase turnout by 1-2%. Democrats are better at this, and its a universally acknowledged truth. This is mitigated because voters come to the polls to vote for a president, particularly this year. The effect is enhanced by rainy weather. The few extra thousand votes GOTV generates for Democrats might be enough to skew the polsters.

Cellular households are large enough now to make almost entirely useless, phone surveys. These will tend be clustered in the Blue northeast, but might still make the difference elsewhere. Cellular only housesholds are tending towards kerry by 5 to 10%.

Other Anecdotes:
The redskins lost their last homegain before the election, ensuring the incumbant [that means George Bush, who is Presidnet] loses.

Months ago, someone told John Kerry his chances of being president were about as good as the red sox winning the world series. Well, much to our shagrin, they did.

Maybe our BA in political science is not really worth anything and we are completely wrong. Maybe the networks will change colors on us, make the Democrats orange and the Republicans purple. But in either case, the polls in New Jersey open tomorrow at 6 am. So do we. Good night, and this is our last post until wednesday.